Once you have that first realization, the rest is fairly simple. But I’ve noticed for some time now that it’s actually very hard to have that realization in the first place. The truth is plain and simple, the way to it however can be long, winding and physically and mentally demanding.
And yet I see myself hiding away from the truth in front of me and clinging onto something of which I know does not suit my best interests. That strange behavior I as a human show most of the time, is somewhat comparable to an addiction. With an addiction comes the false feeling of self-control. And I know every addict knows this. Then the question remains: why so many people suffer on a daily basis from their addictions?
It’s in the letting go. So easy to do, so easy not to do. We all have the power to decide for ourselves if we want to be in control or let something outside of us seize that control. Never has my lack of control really make me feel happy, yet in a twisting of the mind I always found myself convinced I was. Ain’t this story tragic and beautiful? Clinging on to the false hopes, dreams and illusions picked up in previous life stages, too stubborn to admit you lack every bit of control in your life.
I have had an intense feeling telling me where I’m standing at this point. It explained to me nothing is wasted, either in the present or in the past. Yes, I’ve done stupid things, even terrible things. But I try to learn something from them and whenever possible reverse the harm I’ve caused or am causing. So I can now finally stop the blaming game and look to myself in the mirror and say ‘I’m really actually trying to be a good person’. From that sense confidence can be developed.
It’s that one simple notion, that thought in the back of my mind, which brought me to the simple and for me stunning realization: I don’t need it. I’ve already got everything I need, so why would I go and search for pleasure and pain in all kinds of extremities?
I’m here and I’m living my life. What more could I want?
(repost from 2013)